Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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