was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
