She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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