I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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