I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
