i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I deserve this hangover.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
