Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
