Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
