I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
