I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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