When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We are two peas in an std pod
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
