so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
