my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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