there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
