i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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