You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
