The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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