i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
