i'm signing you up for texting rehab
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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