i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
