Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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