...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It was confusing and full of hummus
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
