Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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