Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
