Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
