is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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