This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you win again, gameday.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
