He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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