eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
