At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
