is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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