Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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