Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
