I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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