guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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