i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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