I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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