so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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