I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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