He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
