is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
