Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
