he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How does it feel to date your dad?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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