So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
