i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
