whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You were trust falling into bushes
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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