I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
