Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
