you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
