I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I lost the right to judge tonight
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
