I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
