That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
