He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
