Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
